Top o’ the Mornin’ to Ya!
TLDR: When you catch yourself saying “Why did this happen to me?” or “The world’s against me,” you’re operating from an effect mindset where everything controls you. Mature leaders recognize this victim thinking as a signal to shift into cause mindset, taking responsibility for what they can influence and asking for help when needed.
What?
Have you ever found yourself saying “Why in the world did that happen to me?” or “How come I have to…” or “The world’s against me?” I’ve been there, and I see it constantly in the men I coach. All those statements come from being in effect – having that victim mindset where everything feels outside our control.
We’re in the middle of our Transformation Breakthrough Seeds series, and I’ve noticed something interesting about these concepts – there’s a negative and positive side to each one. We continually experience the negative side, and that’s actually part of the process of growth and transformation. Yesterday we talked about toward versus away-from motivation, and often when we first realize something, it’s on that negative side – that away-from “I need to get away from this” feeling.
When I was working through some challenges with my Kingdom Family Leader funnel recently, I found myself slipping into effect mode. I wasn’t quite in full victim mindset, but I was feeling like I didn’t know enough, wasn’t in cause enough. Effect tends to drive you toward giving up, questioning what’s the purpose, what’s the hope – leading to complacency and just getting blah about everything.
Why?
As leaders – whether we’re running businesses, leading families, or serving in our communities – we have to recognize when we’re operating from effect versus cause. When we’re in effect, everything’s affecting us, everything feels outside our control. We’re just blowing in the wind like the grass and dandelions outside the window.
But as someone who’s effective, mature, and maturing, we need to look at what caused us to be in this away-from mindset and immediately use that as a signal. We need to ask “What do we want?” and turn faster to the other side through talking it through, practicing it, and surrounding ourselves with people who spend more time on the positive side of these concepts.
This connects directly to our Kingdom Family Leader path, specifically the middle pillar – expand your territory. When we’re in effect, we need to explore what we actually have influence over.
Lesson
The difference between cause and effect is the difference between being a victim and being empowered. When we’re in effect, we feel out of control, like victims where everything’s against us. When we move to cause, we become the effectors – we’re causing things to happen.
In cause mindset, we ask: How do I reach out more? How do I get in front of more people? How do I communicate better with my child and spouse? What education do I need? Do I need to go back and bless myself by learning something new? Do I need to serve His kingdom in a new area to leverage my gifts?
The key is recognizing when you’re in effect and then looking at the situation to ask “What can I control?” Often the things we want are outside our influence circle, but there’s usually some sliver where our desires overlap with our influence. We need to find out how to operate in areas where we have influence.
Sometimes this means hiring somebody, learning something new, or asking for help. And here’s crucial: asking for help is not being in effect – it’s being at cause. “Help me do this, help show me where I can get help to do this.” That’s taking action, experimenting, trying new things.
Apply
Write down the area where you spend the most time in effect – where you’re most likely to slip into victim mindset. Maybe it’s with your business challenges, parenting struggles, marriage frustrations, or financial pressures.
Next to that, identify what you can actually control or influence in that situation. What’s one action you can take to move from effect to cause? Maybe it’s reaching out to a mentor, investing in learning a new skill, having a difficult conversation, or simply asking for help.
Finally, write down what you’ll do the next time you catch yourself in effect mode to snap out of it and get back into cause. Maybe it’s calling a trusted friend, reviewing your goals, or taking immediate action on something within your control.
You be blessed!
From Victim to Victor: Breaking Free from the Effect Mindset
