Top o’ the Mornin’ to Ya!
TLDR: Assuming makes an ass out of you and me. Don’t make assumptions—get clarity. Ask “So what you’re saying is…” and confirm everything.
How many times have you said, “But I thought you were gonna take care of that. I thought you were gonna handle that. I thought we discussed that and you were gonna do that.”
Years ago, some of our plants got overwatered and died, or more often, underwatered and died, because we assumed someone’s watering the plants. You’ve heard the old phrase—assuming is making an ass out of you and me.
We’ve been talking about feelings all week. Getting connected with our emotions, looking at them as not a part of us, but information about us and the situations we’re in. Yesterday we talked about not taking anything personally. Today it’s assumptions.
One of the guys in our mastermind group says, “So what you’re saying is,” and he explains it out to get clarity when receiving feedback. He’ll say, “So what you just told Brian was,” and outline the steps or ideas to help me understand it and not make assumptions.
Plants are one thing, but get to a higher level. Dinner and meals—who’s responsible? Insurance payments? House payments? Saving for the next car or roof? Don’t assume your roof’s gonna last forever. Don’t assume you’re gonna be able to work all the time.
Not making assumptions really can put peace over yourself and your emotions because you’re checking on things. One phrase I use a lot, because checking on assumptions can sound like lack of trust—and really the lack of trust is for me, did I communicate well? So I might say, “I’ve probably asked this a few times already, but are you taking the car this weekend?” “Yeah, I am.” “Okay. And you’re gonna be back on Sunday at noon or at three?” Really digging in and gaining clarity.
Birthday parties—half our kids are out of the house, and we come together as a family for birthdays, but sometimes it’s shifted a day because somebody has an event. We think it’s more important to come together in community than be on the specific day. My wife and I reach out and say, “Is everybody good with meeting on the birthday? If not, what would be a good time?” Getting consensus and not assuming everybody’s gonna be there every time.
When we make assumptions, it’s like making a one-sided agreement. “Well, I assume this is happening. I didn’t talk to anybody about it, but that’s what should happen because I know everything and everybody thinks the way I think.” That becomes an agreement with no other parties. Nobody else is participating except you.
I spent most of my life thinking everybody knows what I know and thinks the way I think. And then I was like, oh, wow, they don’t. God made us as unique individuals and each has their own unique understanding and clarity.
A new thing for me is taking simple words and not assuming they have the same meaning for you as they do for me. Asking, “What does that word mean to you? What’s important about that? What does it mean to you to be stressed out?” And then exploring deeper and breaking down all assumptions.
Assumptions can sting us and get me into that bad emotion spot. Defending against that by having that conversation increases the connection I have with all the people that I live and work with.
Yesterday, don’t take anything personally. Today, don’t make assumptions. And when you catch yourself in either one, learn from it. Look at the information. Look at the facts and grow better every day.
You be blessed!
